I neglected this blog for weeks so I could finish my novel and get it published. I have also eaten nothing but fast food and convenience foods since my last post. As a result, I've hit my highest weight in recent history: 287.0 lb. I don't consider myself a food addict. When I'm project-focused, I'm just a convenience addict.
What a waste of all my effort for an entire year! To be this fat again really irks me. It was preventable. Something had to slide to make time for the novel, but not slide THIS MUCH! I could cite reasons and excuses, but I'm not a big fan of either. Besides, they're all based on what I did or didn't do: I was lazy. I was unfocused. I went through the drive-thru rather than cooking at home. I could also blame others, but that's silly: I don't have anyone to support me. I have no one invested in diet and exercise with me, really, consistently. It's silly because health improvement pacts at work are passing whims. Sad, pathetic promises we all sweep under the rug when our fragile willpower caves to a candy-bar. So what if no one I know wants to dedicate themselves to being healthier? They must have better things to do. I'll not blame them for my failure.
The gloves are off. I'm done. I'm killing myself with food. This is suicide. I either need to stop and get healthier, or give up and die my early death with a plate piled high with junk-food and medications to counteract that junk-food's effect on my bloated, miserable body.
You know what works? Effort. Honest-to-goodness effort to make something happen. Don't pray to win the lottery if you're not willing to buy a ticket. So when I've put in effort, when I've made actual progress, I'll post again. Until then, I won't waste your time with my failures.
UPDATE: What a whiny, emo spiel! Let's see... Translation: "I got lazy and unmotivated. I acknowledge I am on my own and must improve my health. I'll try harder, putting my effort into worthy pursuits, and only update following my next breakthrough." There. Less annoying! LOL