Sunday, August 14, 2011

Tama's Log, Supplemental: The Definition of Experiment

After my sneak-weigh-in, I know I'm not making much of an improvement on Monday's official weigh-in. But I wanted to grab my shoulders and shake myself because of this whole bottoming out thing I do when I don't make progress (which is more often than not lately!).

Things I know, in compulsive list form:

1. I must experiment with different approaches to see what works for my body.
2. The nature of experimentation is that it DOES NOT guarantee expected results.
3. Not sticking with each approach for at least a week skews results.
4. I'm getting discouraged, not with the approaches, but with my lack of adherence to my own simple rules!
5. I know that although I tout the Atkins approach that it is not a fast-and-easy magic device.
6. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot rather than give up again.
7. I'm open to suggestions that are not simply "Just do a calorie diet" or "Just move around more." These suggestions both nauseate and discourage me, as nothing about my experiences has involved the word "just" as if something is simple.

About this week, a confessional:

I fasted the first two days, unintentionally. Just got busy. I know... very stupid. Days three and four were restaurant days. I think I just ate once on each day. Yesterday I worked in Mom's basement and they got pizza for me, which tasted awesome. I also ate chocolate. Didn't fathom counting calories this day. Today, I've eaten two sandwiches, some chocolate, and some spaghetti. So how Sunday could turn the week around, I don't know.

I feel like I'm falling back into old patterns, and I'm not going to call this "getting back on track" or a "reboot" or anything so cliche. It's just a struggle. I wonder if I'm fighting myself or something else. I don't feel any particular addiction to food, except for the occasional emotional episode. I can live off of a little or a lot.

So I'll continue struggling, and when I hit the stride of continual progress, I'll be content. Until then, until then.

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